somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
