come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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