"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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