is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
