The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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