And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
