Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
