yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was like getting head from an anaconda
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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