I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
