so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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