Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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