moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
