put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
