I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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