Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
