I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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