I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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