someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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