I accidentally had phone sex last night
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
