You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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