But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
