sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
