Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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