im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
