Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
