Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
