I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
