Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
