so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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