You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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