im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
