You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize