i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
