Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
