Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
