Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
