I'm going to jail i love you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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