Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
