she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
