i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
