i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
