Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
