There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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