On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
