Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
