to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
