You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am naked and annoyed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
