Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
