hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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