somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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