yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
