just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
