Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
