Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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