exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
