i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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