drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
