i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
