he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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