Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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