Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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