Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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