You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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