This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
