you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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