oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
