this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
