yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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