She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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