They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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