so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
