thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
