the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
