Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
