Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
