The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
