I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
