Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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