i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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