im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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