How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
