Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
