can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
