okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
