Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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